The Lighter Side

Each week, more or less, we publish a “Project Management Quote of the Week.”  The quotes, along with a couple of jokes, new and old, are below:
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“It seemed like it was a good idea when it was just in my head.”
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“All of my ideas are good ones. Except the ones that aren’t.”
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“If you need to move a server from one data center to another, it’s best to call on a blade runner.”
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“I was thinking, but then I got confused. So I stopped thinking”
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From a government bid …”to ensure Cities and Counties are actively engaged and informed regarding activities of their respective Action Areas in the implementation of the Action Agenda.”
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“It’s clear in my brain, but I’m not sure it’s clear for everyone who’s not in my brain.”
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“This won’t be critical until it’s critical.”
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“They’ve been doing it this way so long, if we applied any logic to their workflow, it would completely mess up their workflow.”
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“Trillium Professional Services will help you implement your strategic plan. And if you don’t have one, we’ll help you implement that too.”
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“Taking notes in design meetings with system engineers makes me feel like Siri on a Glasgow subway.”
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“I’d prep for this meeting …..if only I could remember what it’s about.”
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“Why am I not here?”
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“This is meant to fix a problem we never had.”
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“Reading through all this data is thirsty work. I’m parsed.”
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“I have a thing in my head …. I think it’s a thought.”
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“Ah, I remember the email.  I got the email. I read the first paragraph.  You probably wanted me to read the whole thing.”
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“I color-coded my project timeline in Visio.  Now it looks like a rainbow exploded.”
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Three fonts walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “We don’t serve your type in here.”
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… then “the sooner the later this can happen.”
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“Can you send me an electronic printout of that?”
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“I saw your email. I didn’t read it, but it was nicely formatted.”
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“It will be confusing until it’s not.”
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“Has the horse left the barn?!? I’ve scanned the horizon, and I can’t even SEE the horse any more.”
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“Firmware is the thing on the thing.”
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“I can be more specific once I have the specifics.”
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“This is final until it changes.”
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“Practice makes perfect, but not if you keep practicing the same mistake over and over again.”
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“Marketing Quote of the Week: All of our clients this year will either be existing ones or new ones.”
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“I was wondering ….um……I wonder what I was wondering.”
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“It’s Day Two of Go-Live, and I don’t hate my life, so it must be going well.”
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“Overheard during Epic go-live at Cone Health:
Person A: “I keep seeing signs and phone numbers with ‘Trillium’ on them. What is ‘Trillium’?”
Person B: “It’s one of the Epic modules.”
Person A: “Oh. What does it do?” Person B: “I dunno.”
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“Oh …so the headings at the top of the spreadsheet actually mean something?!”
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“Sunday Afternoon: There’s a nap for that.”
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“I spent some time figuring out how far behind I am, and now that I know, I feel a lot better……I think.”
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“Tell me if this idea is crazy or brilliant. It’s one or the other – I just can’t tell which.”
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“I’m not doing anything except for what I am doing.”
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“Hardware readiness……it’s a pickle.”
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“By ‘leveraging the resource’ do you really mean ‘send in the canary’?”
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“When we’re finished with this, we will be finished.”
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“Did you know ‘gullible’ isn’t in the dictionary?

“No, seriously!?!”
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“We have done run out of all our meds.”
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“I am so confused I don’t even know what I am confused about.”
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“I’m thinking ……. I just can’t remember what about.”
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“Hey….my wireless mouse isn’t working right…..oh…..wait…..I had it upside down. It works now.”
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“Do we really have to print the whole document? Paper doesn’t grow on trees you know.”
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“I’m very flexible, as long as I get exactly what I want when I want it.”
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“Superman is from the planet Crouton.”
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“New word for the day: Concinct. Concise. Succinct. Concinct.”
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“I don’t know if I should be skeptical or not.”
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“Please don’t kill anyone while I am away. It generates too much paperwork.”
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“I am going to do the conference call by phone.”
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“I think you are confusing me, but I’m not sure.”
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“Is there anything I should do to prepare for the conference call we are on right now?”
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“I forgot to get coffee this morning because I hadn’t had my coffee yet. Life is a vicious circle.”
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“New word for the day: Relieviate. As in to relieve or alleviate a situation. Relieviate.”
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“You have to be smarter than a pager.”
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“If we don’t start taking some steps forward, we won’t get anywhere, and here isn’t where we want to be.”
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“I’m talking while I’m thinking and that’s always a dangerous thing.”
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“We have to decide what data we need.  And if we need it, then we need it, but if we don’t need it, then we don’t need it unless we decide we need it later.”
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“Everyone in this room already exists.”
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A project manager, a software engineer and a hardware engineer take a break from work and go to the beach for a walk. They find an old lamp, rub it, and a genie pops out.

“In return for rescuing me, I’ll grant you each one wish, says the genie.

The software engineer says, “I’d like to be a millionaire who owns a luxury beach resort in the Caribbean.” Poof! he disappears.

The hardware engineer says, “I’d like to be a millionaire too, but I want to own the world’s greatest ski resort.” Poof! he disappears.

The genie turns to the project manager and says, “So, what do you want?”

The project manager replies, “I want those two back right after lunch.”

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One thought on “The Lighter Side

  1. Pingback: 5 Key Steps to Identifying User Requirements: A Lesson from Rosie the Dog | The TPS Report from Trillium Professional Services

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